Overall: that went pretty well!
(1) Criticisms first.
I wish I’d gotten out there more, and when I did get out there, I wish I’d said smarter things.
I think those are confidence-borne things that I’ll be struggling with for a long time.
So. I dunno. I’m aware of the problem, 90% of the posts on this blog whine about my lack of confidence, this is a known entity, we’re on it, roger that.
When I talk about lacking confidence, I should specify— I am physically pretty hammy. But when I get up there, my brain deflates like a dead mushroom. I struggle to follow what’s going on. I haven’t developed laser focus yet, and every initiation (after an opening) sets me into a panic of “oh my god, did I zone out during the opening, is she referencing the opening, should I know what to do with this, the audience will know if I missed it, ahhhh I’m just going to sit this one out and let everyone else carry the scene.”
The few times I’ve tried to discuss the “no ideas” issue with my colleagues… it seems like I’m the only one who struggles with it.
Me: I have no ideas. I just go blank when I’m up there.
Them: Wow, really? That must suck.
Ehhhh. I’m still hoping some of this will come with time and practice and experience.
(2) The good.
My warmup scene was very well-received.
I’m not terrible at everything, yayyy!!!
It’s my second show ever, and it went better than my first, and maybe my third will go better (maybe not, but I can hope), and it was an experience, and it was kind of fun, and I CAN DO THIS.